because of you i'm running out of reasons to cry. kama.yo!

2010-02-17 20:15:21
It's not your fault; It's not your fault; It's not your fau... or maybe it actually is? Day by day I start to hate myself even more. I wish I could talk about with someone; fail. Yet another time. I wish I could stop doing it; fail. Yet again.
And all I feel is disgust, I can't look at myself in the mirror, I don't want to. I feel like falling into pieces, and also throwing out pieces, pieces of me, of what I used to be.
Why should I blame others for my disorder? I know the only one to blame is myself. It's only in my head - the first wrongdoing and I don't have enough strenght and will-power to stop which is the second wrongdoing. There are probably much more of these, but I am so fed up with it that I don't even want to think about it.

And finally I have to stop. Stop myself from having stupid thoughts and excuses. Stop myself from selfdestruction. And start to be strong and confident person.